hi nancy, chiming in for part two of interacting in this parasocial relationship since i love these blogs but have never met you irl (the last time i felt compelled by a piece to comment was back in january).
I just graduated from cmu and started working full-time in downtown pittsburgh and while i do for the most part enjoy my job and the people i work with, i can definitely sympathize with the views of your other graduated friends. it's weird to not have classes and extracurriculars defining my hobbies and schedule, and i've come to the realization that i'm at the point where i need to provide my own structure and direction in my life, because the only thing that's stopping me from falling apart or self destructing is myself. this freedom and "lightness of being" has left me feeling....adrift? in life because there is nothing set in stone for me in terms of location, timelines, goals, people, etc., it can all change at any time. this realization has catalyzed me into really trying to pull my act together though, as I realized how easy it would be to drift, not find direction, and settle into mediocrity (i feel like a handful of my coworkers ~5 years out of college have fallen into this), and i guess i want a more intentional approach to life.
i definitely do already miss my time at CMU, as i was extremely lucky and found friends and a community that brought so much joy into my life, and it's a very bittersweet feeling to have to let go. i definitely feel the pull towards staying involved on campus and being a perpetual student, but i dont want to be that weird old guy who hangs around college kids and is desperately trying to hang onto his youth.
i also relate to your comment about searching for optimism, as i have had quite a pessimistic outlook for a large part of my life, and i also have yearly existential crises that lead me to the brink of breakdown for a week or so before the feeling fades and i just suck it up and go on with life as normal. but during this year's crisis at the beginning of summer, i reconnected with my high school philosophy teacher in the hopes of finding answers, guidance, or some way out of these toxic thought loops (which i have also recently realized can be damaging to the relationships of those around me, which is even more of a reason to dig myself out of it). she recommended me a handful of books about philosophy and life that i've been discussing with her back and forth over email, which has been extremely helpful to me both for the refreshing ideas in the books and also for feeling understood and guided by a philosophical mentor, which i've felt like i really needed for years now.
I've come to peace with the thought that because i've been searching for meaning and answers for so long, this pursuit will probably last my whole life. i know now that there are no solid or definite answers to anything, so im getting used to the feeling of creating/discovering my own answers because there are no rules (“Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked"). i'm hoping that this change of mindset + lots of reading and discussion with my former teacher + my very intentional approach to structure my life with hobbies, learning, and friends alongside work will lead to some level of happiness, or at the very least a certain achievement of self-actualization.
is this what adult life is like? is this what it means to "grow up?" its not easy but im cautiously optimistic that somehow i will find a way out.
thank you so much for this comment adam I really appreciate you for reading my posts, it's really helpful hearing your perspective and it feels reassuring knowing that i'm not the only one feeling this way. comments like yours are what really motivates me to want to write more.
it's so great to hear your story since it sounds like you just went through similar thoughts and your thoughts sound spot on to what i've been struggling with. i just got back to cmu campus for my last semester starting this week and already kind of feel the "that weird old guy who hangs around college kids and is desperately trying to hang onto his youth" when i walk around campus with so many new freshman. i know that i can't stay forever, and do have to figure out the type of impact i want to make outside of a safe school setting. it's been helpful for me to speak with older mentors as well who've gone through this phase in life, so great to hear that you were able to reconnect with your philosophy teacher and do the same.
it's comforting realizing that this is a lifelong journey, that it's tough but also the ups and downs are what makes life interesting and worth the battle. wishing you all the best as well! glad to connect through these parasocial comment dialogue convos :) and will stay tuned for more
no thank you!! the last time I knew someone who had such similar thoughts to me was back in high school, so I know im not *alone* in feeling this way but I am painfully aware that this type of thinking is not the norm (although it does seem like quarter-life crises are becoming more and more common). reading your pieces and hearing about how you navigate these issues is so refreshing and i really do look forward to whenever i get an email notifying me youve dropped something new. either way, i guess the best we can do for now is hope that one day we'll look back and wonder why we were ever worried
I want to shout out that you are absolutely not alone in this, and there are so many people, youth and adults, wondering about their lives, including me, as I am graduating this academic year.
My take on this is to let the life go how it goes, do your decisions to the best you can, and do not regret anything.
I empathize with what you wrote here, and I with us both and others too to find our paths. ❤️
hi nancy, chiming in for part two of interacting in this parasocial relationship since i love these blogs but have never met you irl (the last time i felt compelled by a piece to comment was back in january).
I just graduated from cmu and started working full-time in downtown pittsburgh and while i do for the most part enjoy my job and the people i work with, i can definitely sympathize with the views of your other graduated friends. it's weird to not have classes and extracurriculars defining my hobbies and schedule, and i've come to the realization that i'm at the point where i need to provide my own structure and direction in my life, because the only thing that's stopping me from falling apart or self destructing is myself. this freedom and "lightness of being" has left me feeling....adrift? in life because there is nothing set in stone for me in terms of location, timelines, goals, people, etc., it can all change at any time. this realization has catalyzed me into really trying to pull my act together though, as I realized how easy it would be to drift, not find direction, and settle into mediocrity (i feel like a handful of my coworkers ~5 years out of college have fallen into this), and i guess i want a more intentional approach to life.
i definitely do already miss my time at CMU, as i was extremely lucky and found friends and a community that brought so much joy into my life, and it's a very bittersweet feeling to have to let go. i definitely feel the pull towards staying involved on campus and being a perpetual student, but i dont want to be that weird old guy who hangs around college kids and is desperately trying to hang onto his youth.
i also relate to your comment about searching for optimism, as i have had quite a pessimistic outlook for a large part of my life, and i also have yearly existential crises that lead me to the brink of breakdown for a week or so before the feeling fades and i just suck it up and go on with life as normal. but during this year's crisis at the beginning of summer, i reconnected with my high school philosophy teacher in the hopes of finding answers, guidance, or some way out of these toxic thought loops (which i have also recently realized can be damaging to the relationships of those around me, which is even more of a reason to dig myself out of it). she recommended me a handful of books about philosophy and life that i've been discussing with her back and forth over email, which has been extremely helpful to me both for the refreshing ideas in the books and also for feeling understood and guided by a philosophical mentor, which i've felt like i really needed for years now.
I've come to peace with the thought that because i've been searching for meaning and answers for so long, this pursuit will probably last my whole life. i know now that there are no solid or definite answers to anything, so im getting used to the feeling of creating/discovering my own answers because there are no rules (“Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked"). i'm hoping that this change of mindset + lots of reading and discussion with my former teacher + my very intentional approach to structure my life with hobbies, learning, and friends alongside work will lead to some level of happiness, or at the very least a certain achievement of self-actualization.
is this what adult life is like? is this what it means to "grow up?" its not easy but im cautiously optimistic that somehow i will find a way out.
i really do wish you the best,
-Adam
thank you so much for this comment adam I really appreciate you for reading my posts, it's really helpful hearing your perspective and it feels reassuring knowing that i'm not the only one feeling this way. comments like yours are what really motivates me to want to write more.
it's so great to hear your story since it sounds like you just went through similar thoughts and your thoughts sound spot on to what i've been struggling with. i just got back to cmu campus for my last semester starting this week and already kind of feel the "that weird old guy who hangs around college kids and is desperately trying to hang onto his youth" when i walk around campus with so many new freshman. i know that i can't stay forever, and do have to figure out the type of impact i want to make outside of a safe school setting. it's been helpful for me to speak with older mentors as well who've gone through this phase in life, so great to hear that you were able to reconnect with your philosophy teacher and do the same.
it's comforting realizing that this is a lifelong journey, that it's tough but also the ups and downs are what makes life interesting and worth the battle. wishing you all the best as well! glad to connect through these parasocial comment dialogue convos :) and will stay tuned for more
no thank you!! the last time I knew someone who had such similar thoughts to me was back in high school, so I know im not *alone* in feeling this way but I am painfully aware that this type of thinking is not the norm (although it does seem like quarter-life crises are becoming more and more common). reading your pieces and hearing about how you navigate these issues is so refreshing and i really do look forward to whenever i get an email notifying me youve dropped something new. either way, i guess the best we can do for now is hope that one day we'll look back and wonder why we were ever worried
This is such a good writing.
I want to shout out that you are absolutely not alone in this, and there are so many people, youth and adults, wondering about their lives, including me, as I am graduating this academic year.
My take on this is to let the life go how it goes, do your decisions to the best you can, and do not regret anything.
I empathize with what you wrote here, and I with us both and others too to find our paths. ❤️
thank you so much nastia! <3
life is long and there will be challenges, there is lots to learn and i'm sure we'll both find it :)