my weird college journey

figuring out what to do with my life

i'm only one class away from graduating undergrad. ¹

it doesn't feel like the time has passed. still lots to learn, still loads of unanswered questions.

i'm already overcooked. i stayed an extra year after flailing and throwing tantrums about how much i hated school for a year. i went back at the end of it, after realizing the real world wasn't all that.

i tried as many possible paths as i could in college. 5 different majors, 3 minors, 3 research labs, and after this winter will have studied abroad 3 times. i wanted to get my money’s worth.

i treated college like a buffet, sampling many different courses before going back for more of my favorites.

diagram i submitted to my advisor to explain my life

i entered as a business student, wide-eyed and curious. i learned about the stock market, managing scooter operations, measuring gdp. then got bored.

covid happened and i went back to california. i paced back and forth in my backyard. i decided business was not for me.

i switched to cognitive science. i took a class, did research with a professor, then realized psychology research was all just professors bickering to disprove each other's studies. i liked the idea of psychology, but this didn't feel like the psychology i signed up for.

i switched to information systems. i took the first class and it was very unexciting. we copy-pasted some code and drew erp diagrams to model databases.

i tried to take the next class and it was even more boring. in class, my eyes would glaze over. when i went to office hours the professor told me 'this class would probably not help me given my interests.'

i dropped the class and took a leave from school.

i went on some crazy adventures and then came back.

on the first day of class, i tried this boring information systems class again and left 10 minutes into the session.² i dropped all my classes and then looked at the menu of available majors again.

i decided to try this a new major called 'applied multilingual studies.' it looked like it would be an easy to finish.

i tried a course but it was also boring.³ but at this point i wanted so hard to fit into a major and prove to myself that i could suck it up and just finish it. but i couldn't. one week before the class ended, i withdrew.

my advisor told me 'nancy you're not going to graduate with the courses you've taken but i have a suggestion for you.'

'you can self-define a major. work with professor caspar⁴ and write up a proposal and then you can take whatever class you want'

i knew i could define my own major but it sounded so scary. it would mean i won't have a community and i’d look like i didn’t know what i was doing.

for so much of life, i chased labels. i wanted a big name school, big name companies on my resume. i wanted reputable sources to support the journey of my life so i don't look like a kid that's just playing around with sand.

but i had no other choice to finish school, so i wrote up a proposal. it went through so much dreadful bureaucracy to pass through my faculty advisor, college advisor, department advisor, and the vice provost of education. 8 painstakingly long months and many many breakdowns later, the 14 page proposal got approved.

i'm now a 'digital immersive storytelling' major.⁵

in my last leg of college, when i’m just starting to love it, it's time to leave.

switching between majors allowed me to find the glimmers of what i liked in each and keep them close to my heart.

i have many interests, so if i stuck with one all the way through it wouldn't have been as enriching. i wouldn't have learned as much about the the world as i did.

i feel more prepared to face the world than if i had gone a 'cs student route' or ‘art student route’ and only learned how to do one thing well. but i also feel like i didn't have enough time because i wasted so much time dabbling.

“Dabblers can be useful because they can combine ideas from different areas, are comfortable being a beginner, can learn fast, and can address each situation with what it requires rather than their specialties.”

—jim morris, Thoughts of a Reformed Computer Scientist

i realized that the character i resonate most with is soul 22 from disney's soul. she has all these key figures in history as mentors but it takes much longer for her to find her 'spark' in the world. she gets bored easily just like me. she takes interest in the small joys of life.⁶

i’m very lucky to have held on to the parts i’ve loved about the world to combine into my own path. i'm glad i did while in school.

four years isn’t a long time. but in these four years, i’ve explored more than some people have in a decade.

i'm already overcooked so it's time for me to actually graduate soon, but now i'm a little more excited than scared to be out in the world. i’m excited to keep learning.

1. 7 units left, 353 units out of 360 units completed at the end of this fall

2. if something is boring you should just leave. there’s all these social guardrails that keep you in place but if its not helping you then it won’t unless you believe that it will help you

3. i realized that some professors are there to help you learn and some are there just because it’s part of their job. you have to figure out who’s there to help you and who’s there just to do the bare minimum not to be fired. sometimes the topic is interesting but the class is boring because the professor has 0 passion

4. my amazing advisor :D

5. a similar major to what ralph guggenheim proposed when he was at cmu and defined a film major

6. i have stints of time when i focus on a task and then get to know everything about it. it's all consuming when i'm in that state. when i'm not in that state it's really hard to get myself to do something. it often feels like the world isn't designed for someone like me