growing up, it wasn't abnormal seeing my friends coming to school crying about their parents
about their grades, about an argument
it wasn't abnormal seeing my friends show up hours late because their parents had yelled at them
i used to think this was something we'd eventually grow out of but many of us never did
over time i've realized that it wasn't us, it was our parents
it's really odd for me to see others have amazing relationships with their parents
i wonder how my life would've been different if i had all this mental energy from arguments back
how i would've lived if they started more questions with 'how' instead of 'when'
how i would've loved if words like 'i love you' had existed in my parent's vocabulary
how i would've felt joy if my mom's face could've twisted in different ways
smiles untainted with any hues of desire and want in who i would be
it's hard to live with mental illness but even harder to live with those who don't believe in it
not believing allows them to live permanently
forever haunting in the background
haven't done updates for awhile so here are a few
i graduated. finally.
i hosted a graduating goodbye + bday party
i lived in vegas the past ~2 weeks, hated it and still hate it now so nothing really changed my view but i did watch 'the beatles love cirque du soleil' show and 'postcards from earth' in the sphere which were both just incredible. i also went to see the defunct neon signs in the neon museum that used to be on the strip which was really cool
i will be going to asu for grad school this fall in their immersive experience design program and am super excited :D it's exactly the type of interactive art/film type of work i love and to be going there for free has been truly a dream come true. it’s all from a chance cold email i sent to don last december, in a time when i was really frustrated with cmu and the state of the industry but found hope in the history of the entertainment technology center
i flew to phoenix and back on a day trip to visit 6 apartments a few days ago which was fun but chaotic. i think i found the place. i flew on a $37 roundtrip frontier flight and on the trip i learned that frontier doesn't fly any boeing 737 MAX planes! i am now a frontier fan :')
i bought a $40 keyboard piano on fb marketplace from some asian mom and started practicing and it has been very therapeutic
i started learning to paint in quillvr and its so satisfying and the techniques are fascinating. sadly my gaming laptop is too heavy to lug to the east coast so this will be put on hiatus and i will continue to learn in august
i'll be going to siggraph in denver for the first time in late july and am super excited! i read up on the history of pixar the past month and it's crazy how much of it started from there
i hated vegas so much i moved back to pittsburgh for a bit – i'll be here until june 8 and then going to be in nyc for a week to check out some films at tribeca so let me know if you are around!
i’m spending all my time upskilling + learning + video editing, so lmk if you’d like to jam / learn something together (jason and i literally wrote a country song yesterday lmao, am really down to do anything)
"it's hard to live with mental illness but even harder to live with those who don't believe in it"
!!!!!!!!
It is frustrating that this is more common than not
Thank you for sharing. I love your blog. It is so funny and informative and inspiring