love comes in the process
feeling a sense of progress along the way
a sense of pleasure in the day to day
love doesn’t come from infatuation
skipping the finish line
hacking the game
love comes from the accumulation of details over time
winning with others there
solving the escape room together
working together for the small successes before unlocking the big hurrah
love doesn’t come from skipping to the end of a book
reading the last page before finishing the first half
skipping to the finale of a show without watching the middle episodes
over the last year i’ve met numerous people my age who made their money too fast
most of them feel a lack of progress
have a tint of existential dread in their voice
of skipping the finish line
of racing past all the others
leaving them to dust
retiring early is like
a wedding without guests
a football game without fans
a youtube video without comments
with no challenges and quests left to do there’s no game left to play
love is in the everyday
seeing slow and uncertain progress
but believing in it
loving every moment of it
love is being 80 and still teaching the art of bookmaking
love is being 70 and still teaching 6 different universities from zoom
love is being 60 and still running one of the largest indie game festivals
“aren’t we all just working to distract ourselves from death?” — a udub prof
a tsunami of random thoughts
i traveled a lot this past month
nyc, phoenix, nyc, sf, phoenix
i did my first larp at worlds in play
and fell in love with the world of experimental theatre
one of the interactive theatre activities i did was to go outside and look for clues and make random observations in the world and make hypotheses like “THE WIRE IS BROKEN IT MUST BE A CONSPIRACY!!” and i found it really uncomfortable just noticing small things in the world and making random assumptions
even though i wasn’t judged for accuracy, i found myself wanting to be correct, telling other artists what they want to do isn’t possible, and shutting down ideas i thought were too lame to say
i realized i’ve become so obsessed with this idea of “good” and “correct” and holding onto them for comfort. i’ve been so trained to fulfill test cases, get all the answers right on an exam, make the most optimal decisions, that i forgot what it means to just… wonder
wonder without fear of being wrong
wonder how we got here, wonder what magical forces keep someone from doing what they love, wonder what kind of realities are real and what ones are manufactured
new things comes from wonder
wonder to try the things no one wants to try
no large corporation, no research lab, no rational being
even if it doesn’t make money
even if society doesn’t like it
even if all the voices say no
it burns with wonder
until it takes over